The Cruelty of the Paycheck Protection Program

If you are a small business owner and were not awake late last night and early this morning endlessly refreshing your browser scouring Twitter for information, your hopefully peaceful night’s sleep may be the last you can enjoy for some time.

I was fortunate enough to get a call from a financial advisor (not to mention fortunate enough to have a financial advisor) earlier this week telling me that his firm was encouraging all of their clients to apply for the Paycheck Protection Program.

“It’s free money!”

I am pretty sure he giggled when he said it.

Since then, in my spare time while not trying to make sure I still had a business, I have been trying to figure out how to apply to the program. There was very little information because the government was still trying to iron out all of the details with the banks. The best they could do was provide a sample application form, which could change once everything was finalized. All we knew is it would start today.

And that it was first come, first serve…Cue the Hunger Games cornucopia gif:

I bank with BofA, but when I tried calling, the IVR told me I would have to hold for more than three hours. I logged into my online bank account and saw nothing. I checked my inbox regularly. Not even a friendly “it’s coming, get ready” announcement.

Yesterday I decided to drive over to the local branch to see if they were up to speed. I hope when I walked in, with…

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